Status: Task Force Letting it Run

The Kat came back the very next day. The Kat came back; we thought she was a goner. But the Kat came back; she just couldn’t stay awaaaaay.

Clarification: we never actually thought Kat was a goner. It just fit with the song.

So yes as you’ve undoubtedly figured out, Kat is back! Yaaaaaaay!!! Alyssa can be edited again! But that was not the only exciting thing that occurred in the universe this week…

First, and most importantly, the Top Secret Staff Shindig, which Captain Kirk and crew decided would be a surprise until we got there. They tested out our powers of deductive reasoning by giving us cryptic clues as to our destination.

Clue 1) “If you don’t want it to get dirty, don’t wear it.”
This led us to believe that it was mud wrestling.

Clue 2) “The more into it you get, the dirtier you get.”
This led us to believe that it was a pie eating contest.

Clue 3) “It’s not so much dirty as it is wet.”
This led us to believe that it was wrestling in the lake while eating pies.

Clue 4) “Meet at the William’s in Hamilton on Discovery Drive.”
This led us to believe that it was William’s supplying the pies.

Clue 5) “The only way you will be in the lake is if Will throws you in.”
This led us to be seriously concerned.

Have you figured it out yet? No? Well we did! Thanks to our superior intellect (and the mole *cough* Andrea *cough* we placed in the office), we were able to deduce that we were in fact DRAGONBOAT RACING in Burlington Bay. How cool is that? Of course thanks to our natural athletic prowess we excelled almost instantaneously. Natalie and Alyssa were dubbed the “pacers” and Andrea almost fell off the boat laughing. Elizabeth was not amused, Kat had issues after the instructor yelled “POWER UP! 50 MORE!”, Will wore purple sunglasses and a band that made sure they didn’t fall off his head and Celine saw her step-aunt. Task Force graduate Matt wanted to do it all over again, to which Natalie responded “Matt, no one asked you”. Thanks to CK and all our mentors for organizing it!

Fun Fact: Dragonboating is the only sport where “sit up” actually means “lean forward”. Unless you’re Andrea or Alyssa, in which case you just sit up regardless.

The party was great and all, but nothing can compare to the overwhelming epicicity of today. You may be unaware of this (details were kept very hush hush), but the Queen came to visit these past two weeks. She and Captain Kirk are on quite close terms, so they headed off for a two week Nature Excursion/Tea Party. It was rather lonely at the office without her (we would put in a witty song reference here, but Alyssa exhausted those last week).

Today however marked the Return of the Jedi!!!! Welcome back Cap’n. We await your orders, as long as they aren’t too strenuous.

Till next time, stay classy Burlington.
-K&A

Status: Task Force- Something's Missing

Lonely, I am so lonely, I have nobody to edit me. One is the Loneliest Number and I will Cry [You] a River because I’m All by Myself. Kat, I Wish You Were Here, even though it’s Saturday, Saturday, Saturday! Because Since You’ve Been Gone, I [can’t] breathe for the first time. But even though I’m Here Without You, My Heart Will Go On.
-A

Status: Task Force Episode XIII

Buenas tardes! Es Alyssa y Kat! Como pueden ayudarle? Why did we start it in Spanish? To keep you on your toes. BAM. This is how we do it.

You may be wondering why we have decided to bless this week with not one, but two blogs. Well let us tell you. Kat will be M.I.A. for the next 6 days as she is going to a Convention. No, wait, a SUPERHERO Convention. No, wait…COMIC CON! No, wait, that already happened. Umm…ok, so she’s taking the DeLorean to Comic Con and uhh yeah, we didn’t just make that up. The Justice League needs assistance of sorts. When you look this good, people always want your help.
So back to things that are relevant to our job – THE CHILDREN’S FESTIVAL!!! This year, as a special treat to all the small ones it spanned not one but TWO days. Yesterday was Discover Sandcastles. Let us set the scene for you . The beach. The sun blazing overhead. Thousands if not millions of sandcastle enthusiasts waiting for the horn to sound so they could begin creating their masterpieces. And no rain. Blind Melon would be pleased. If that wasn’t enough for you, Team Aqua recruited Sandi Castle from the sand dunes of Tattooine to provide both an enlightening building demonstration and her opinion on why Anakin turned to the Dark Side.

Moving on to The Children’s Festival: Episode II, similar to Star Wars: Episode II…minus the clone attacks and poor storyline. It did however feature live entertainment, demonstrations, ice cream, burgers, games and, perhaps best of all, free teddy bears! That’s right. In an effort to expand our team, your Task Force asked potential recruits three skill-testing questions (hey, postal codes are hard to remember when you don’t send letters to yourself…) and rewarded correct answers with free stuffed animals, Frisbees and tasty sports drinks. It was a great success.

Now, normally as Task Force members, we modestly hide from the media spotlight. If we didn’t, the front pages would constantly feature close-ups of our faces. When you’re this awesome all the time, people take notice. However, every now and then one of us does something so incredible that it is impossible to keep it quiet. Such was the case a few weeks ago. Andrea, aka Busk That, is now documented forever on The Hamilton Spectator’s website. She’s in the office tomorrow in case you want an autograph. But without further ado, here’s the picture that made her famous:
Till next time, stay classy Burlington.
-K&A

Status: Speaking of the Task Force...

The Weekly(ish) Weekend Wrap-Up

Hey…who made this big mess? What? We did? Guess it’s time for the 10 second tidy! And by 10 seconds we mean a few minutes. And by tidy we mean wrap-up. So really we lied to you and this entire introduction is completely unnecessary. But those of you who are reading this obviously want as much as we’ll give you, so really we don’t feel that bad. We plan on dragging this blog on for as long as we can. It’s one of our strengths. Remember that.

Speaking of things we do really well, in addition to planning next year’s entire G8 Summit up in Deerhurst, Alyssa also got a lovely tan. She also maintained her peak physical condition through extensive canoe trips and adventures to the buffet line. Kat manned the fort back at home, but in no way slacked off. There were biting flies to be killed at Disco Land (with the help of our muscular macho maintenance members), Top Secret Taste of Burlington survey information to be entered and perhaps most epic of all, the RETURN OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE!!!!!

That’s right folks. Monday August 3rd was more than just some run-of-the-mill not quite a statutory holiday but somewhat close to it day. It was Joseph Brant Day. For those of you unaware of this legendary man, he not only was a Mohawk leader and British military officer during the American Revolution who received copious amounts of land in Burlington, but also the original founder of the Task Force. And yes, that statement is historically accurate. We checked Wikipedia.

Ah Joseph Brant Day. The reptile shows, the free boat rides, the music. Kat would also like to take this opportunity to apologize for telling people that there would be balloon rides. There were no balloon rides. Although I’m sure you could have brought your own balloons and done it “Up” in style. But back to the day itself… a festival so remarkable it clearly requires a powerful means of transportation. We pulled it out of the deep abyss that is the parking garage across the street from TF Headquarters and loaded it with our technologically advanced tools/ gear/ fanny packs. Once again, it chilled in Kat’s driveway for two evenings. The neighbours were jealous.

Speaking of things that people were jealous of, clowns were in our office this morning. Very few people that work in an office can say that clowns have graced them with their presence to break up the monotony of the day. Not that our days are monotonous, just that when you look this good and everything comes so naturally to you, you need a bit of a change…but back to the clowns. They were here for a photo-op with the Burlington Post for the Busker Programme that was launched last week. Put on by Performing Arts Burlington, the Busker Programme will see various musicians, clowns and other street performers put on entertaining shows throughout the downtown…and being as useful as we are, here’s a map as to where:

Speaking of entertaining things, we would also like to inform the kindhearted citizens of Burlington and the inquisitive tourists that we have painted busker stencils at each location on the downtown sidewalks of Burlington, but seeing as this weather has not been what one would call “optimal”, the torrential rain has washed them away. Under the supervision of Busk That (aka Andrea- who is very excited about her potential appearance in the Burlington Post this week, which may feature an action shot of her painting a busker stencil) we gave it our all- as photo-documented by Young Will (hence Young Will's #1 favourite saying. Please refer to "Status: Task Force Profiles"). We have also dubbed each of them with a name pertaining to their location. Dwight, the painted busker stencil in front of The Office, succumbed to the rain and its powers a few too many times. He was given new life, but has once again fallen. Dwight is gone. He's gone! We miss him so much! Ooooh we cry ourselves to sleep, Dwight!
True. We do miss him.

Until next time, stay classy Burlington.

-K&A

Status: Task Force Out of the Office

Hi there, you've reached the Task Force. We're not able to come to the phone right now because Alyssa is on a secret mission. Please leave a detailed message to let us know how desperately you want a new blog and we'll do our best to get back to you as soon as we're done saving the world. Which will probably be Monday. Stay classy Burlington. BEEP.
-K

Status: Task Force Profiles

Dear loyal followers,

Today is the dawn of a new era. An era of awesome. An era of prestige. An era of hope. An era of never failing. An era of extremely good looking superheroes. Write that down. We present to you…TASK FORCE PROFILES!

Agent: Sally
Alias: Captain Kirk
Superpowers: Perky on minimal sleep, supreme wit and British accent.
Favourite Saying: “Who’s manning the command post?”
“Where are my glasses?”
“What floor did I park my car on again?”

Agent: Elizabeth
Alias: Know That
Superpowers: Immense knowledge of everything to do with everything, tolerance for the mere mortals around her and omniscient presence.
Favourite Saying: “Well that defeats the purpose.”
“Well, when I was in Toronto…”

Agent: Celine
Alias: List That
Superpowers: Uncanny knowledge of all brochures and their contents, ridiculously charming, and emotionally charged.
Favourite Saying: “Wow!”
“That was unnecessary.”

Agent: Alyssa
Alias: Stat That
Superpowers: Intimate knowledge of statistic sheets with her sidekick, Survey Monkey, ability to name and locate 95% of the restaurants in Burlington and is Part 1 of 3 of Team McMaster.
Favourite Saying: “I have to do my stats sheet now.”
“Who is this Alyssa? My name is Parminder!”
“Kat, those are the ugliest sunglasses I have ever seen.”

Agent: Kat
Alias: Drive That
Superpowers: Drives the Burlington Events van- otherwise known as the Starship Enterprise, is a master of Microsoft Excel and its spreadsheet capabilities and makes up Part 2 of 3 of Team McMaster.
Favourite Saying: “Epic fail.”
“Bad life choice”
“My sunglasses are cool.”

Agent: Matt

Alias: Walk That

Superpowers: Able to walk long distances without tiring, switches identities in the blink of an eye and looks ridiculously good in water wings.

Favourite Saying: “Dece”

“Obvi”

Agent: Nicole

Alias: Taste That

Superpowers: Able to get lost while walking in a straight line, knows the owners of basically every restaurant in Burlington and can rapid-fire recite the menus for A Taste of Burlington.

Favourite Saying: “Stop it, Matt.”

“It’s alright guys, I’ve got this.”

"RUDE!"

Agent: Dania

Alias: Traduisez-ça

Superpowers: Instant translation, ability to speak Fringlish and provides Curtis the Plant with life-sustaining H20.

Favourite Saying: “Well I can speak French if you really want me to...”

“Totes McGoats”

“Benvenuto”

Agent: Natalie

Alias: Label That

Superpowers: Extreme excitement upon

new brochure arrival, able to label and stock at the speed of sound and makes up Part 3 of 3 of Team McMaster. Favourite Saying: “NEW BROCHURES!!! WHERE ARE THEY FROM?? SOMEONE PASS ME THE LABEL MAKER!!!”

Agent: Will

Alias: Move That

Superpowers: Mad photography skills, on time if not early for Disco Land shifts and able to lift upwards of 100 brochures without breaking a sweat.
Favourite Saying: “Let me know when you guys are working so I can take a photo of it”
“Why don’t we all go to Emma’s?”

Agent: Andrea
Alias: Busk That
Superpowers: Artistically talented at least when it comes to rollers, a style icon in the sneakers department and can recite all winners of the A J Dunn Sports Person of the Year Award in chronological order.
Favourite Saying: “I won’t rest until I win the bet”
“I HATE clowns”
“Is the paint dry yet?”

Agent: Lindsay
Alias: Paint That
Superpowers: Able to paint copious amounts of fish at a time, gives mesmerizing tours of the Waterfront and can instantaneously transform into a Travel Counsellor.
Favourite Saying: “Down the stairs to the left”
“Yes, you do have to pay for parking”

Thus concludes our edition of Task Force Profiles. Our thanks to Natalie, aka "Label That" for designing the cartoons. They are extremely accurate depictions of the Task Force, right down to the water wings that Matt wears daily to work.

And, incase the individual profiles weren't enough for you, take a gander this- Team Task Force: The Composite:

Stay classy Burlington.

-K&A

Status: Task Force on a Boat and it's Going Fast

We can see clearly now, the rain is gone. Just kidding. It’s starting to clear up. Just kidding. Oh wait, is that the sun? Just kidding. Rain, we hate so much about the things you choose to be.

Seriously though. Global warming is one tricky adversary. We thought we’d had it beat after we gave out our free Douglas Firs on Canada Day, but it seems to have reared its ugly head once again. However, it’s ok, because even though it’s raining more than ever, we told you we’d be here forever. And we sell Tourism umbrellas…ellas…ellas…eh eh eh. Actually though, we do. They’re $13.28 plus tax. AND they have the Burlington logo on them, which pretty much means they are made of awesome.

Alright we’re focusing now. We apologize that this week’s Weekly Weekend Wrap-Up is more of a Monthly Mid-Week…Medley. I guess you could just blame it on the rain. Though we do have an excuse… we had SUPER EXCITING TIMES last week (back when the sun wasn’t just a distant memory).

*Cue dramatic music*

It happens once a year. The best of the best are gathered together for one epic day: powers united, watches synchronized and shirts coordinated in heckle-worthy yellow (who knew wearing bright yellow shirts subjected you to drive-by hecklers?). It was no ordinary Thursday to say the least. It was SCAVENGER HUNT DAY!!!! This day is what all Task Force members spend eons training for. We received our list of cryptic clues to Burlington hot-spots and with Natalie ready to photograph the event, we spent 4 grueling hours on the mean streets of Burlington (not that there is anything mean about them) searching for answers. As Captain Kirk has powers beyond our scope of understanding, it was of course the hottest day of the summer. Moreover, we would just like to say that we did NOT cheat despite allegations to the contrary. Yes, Parminder Singh DID call home base for information, and no, it was NOT Alyssa.

And now we go to Ollie for our weather forecast. Ollie?
“IT GON RAIN.”
Thanks Ollie.

Moving right along. We would now like to inform the general public of our Task Force updates. We will put this into a numbered list for your convenience:

1) New members have joined the Task Force since we last spoke. Young William and Andrea have successfully completed junior ranger training and have transitioned well into out elite fighting force.

2) Dania, Natalie, Nicole and Matt have joined the Task Force Protection Program, as they have completed their 7 week stint. We wish them the best of luck…not that they need luck. We know that their good looks and super powers will be enough to get them where they need to go. God speed.

3) Task Force logo AND slogan- heck yes!


4. We have a surprise for our loyal followers next week. Stay tuned. We promise it will be cooler than the weather we’ve been having.

Task Force OUT.

Stay classy Burlington.
-K&A