Status: Task Force Profiles

Dear loyal followers,

Today is the dawn of a new era. An era of awesome. An era of prestige. An era of hope. An era of never failing. An era of extremely good looking superheroes. Write that down. We present to you…TASK FORCE PROFILES!

Agent: Sally
Alias: Captain Kirk
Superpowers: Perky on minimal sleep, supreme wit and British accent.
Favourite Saying: “Who’s manning the command post?”
“Where are my glasses?”
“What floor did I park my car on again?”

Agent: Elizabeth
Alias: Know That
Superpowers: Immense knowledge of everything to do with everything, tolerance for the mere mortals around her and omniscient presence.
Favourite Saying: “Well that defeats the purpose.”
“Well, when I was in Toronto…”

Agent: Celine
Alias: List That
Superpowers: Uncanny knowledge of all brochures and their contents, ridiculously charming, and emotionally charged.
Favourite Saying: “Wow!”
“That was unnecessary.”

Agent: Alyssa
Alias: Stat That
Superpowers: Intimate knowledge of statistic sheets with her sidekick, Survey Monkey, ability to name and locate 95% of the restaurants in Burlington and is Part 1 of 3 of Team McMaster.
Favourite Saying: “I have to do my stats sheet now.”
“Who is this Alyssa? My name is Parminder!”
“Kat, those are the ugliest sunglasses I have ever seen.”

Agent: Kat
Alias: Drive That
Superpowers: Drives the Burlington Events van- otherwise known as the Starship Enterprise, is a master of Microsoft Excel and its spreadsheet capabilities and makes up Part 2 of 3 of Team McMaster.
Favourite Saying: “Epic fail.”
“Bad life choice”
“My sunglasses are cool.”

Agent: Matt

Alias: Walk That

Superpowers: Able to walk long distances without tiring, switches identities in the blink of an eye and looks ridiculously good in water wings.

Favourite Saying: “Dece”

“Obvi”

Agent: Nicole

Alias: Taste That

Superpowers: Able to get lost while walking in a straight line, knows the owners of basically every restaurant in Burlington and can rapid-fire recite the menus for A Taste of Burlington.

Favourite Saying: “Stop it, Matt.”

“It’s alright guys, I’ve got this.”

"RUDE!"

Agent: Dania

Alias: Traduisez-ça

Superpowers: Instant translation, ability to speak Fringlish and provides Curtis the Plant with life-sustaining H20.

Favourite Saying: “Well I can speak French if you really want me to...”

“Totes McGoats”

“Benvenuto”

Agent: Natalie

Alias: Label That

Superpowers: Extreme excitement upon

new brochure arrival, able to label and stock at the speed of sound and makes up Part 3 of 3 of Team McMaster. Favourite Saying: “NEW BROCHURES!!! WHERE ARE THEY FROM?? SOMEONE PASS ME THE LABEL MAKER!!!”

Agent: Will

Alias: Move That

Superpowers: Mad photography skills, on time if not early for Disco Land shifts and able to lift upwards of 100 brochures without breaking a sweat.
Favourite Saying: “Let me know when you guys are working so I can take a photo of it”
“Why don’t we all go to Emma’s?”

Agent: Andrea
Alias: Busk That
Superpowers: Artistically talented at least when it comes to rollers, a style icon in the sneakers department and can recite all winners of the A J Dunn Sports Person of the Year Award in chronological order.
Favourite Saying: “I won’t rest until I win the bet”
“I HATE clowns”
“Is the paint dry yet?”

Agent: Lindsay
Alias: Paint That
Superpowers: Able to paint copious amounts of fish at a time, gives mesmerizing tours of the Waterfront and can instantaneously transform into a Travel Counsellor.
Favourite Saying: “Down the stairs to the left”
“Yes, you do have to pay for parking”

Thus concludes our edition of Task Force Profiles. Our thanks to Natalie, aka "Label That" for designing the cartoons. They are extremely accurate depictions of the Task Force, right down to the water wings that Matt wears daily to work.

And, incase the individual profiles weren't enough for you, take a gander this- Team Task Force: The Composite:

Stay classy Burlington.

-K&A

Status: Task Force on a Boat and it's Going Fast

We can see clearly now, the rain is gone. Just kidding. It’s starting to clear up. Just kidding. Oh wait, is that the sun? Just kidding. Rain, we hate so much about the things you choose to be.

Seriously though. Global warming is one tricky adversary. We thought we’d had it beat after we gave out our free Douglas Firs on Canada Day, but it seems to have reared its ugly head once again. However, it’s ok, because even though it’s raining more than ever, we told you we’d be here forever. And we sell Tourism umbrellas…ellas…ellas…eh eh eh. Actually though, we do. They’re $13.28 plus tax. AND they have the Burlington logo on them, which pretty much means they are made of awesome.

Alright we’re focusing now. We apologize that this week’s Weekly Weekend Wrap-Up is more of a Monthly Mid-Week…Medley. I guess you could just blame it on the rain. Though we do have an excuse… we had SUPER EXCITING TIMES last week (back when the sun wasn’t just a distant memory).

*Cue dramatic music*

It happens once a year. The best of the best are gathered together for one epic day: powers united, watches synchronized and shirts coordinated in heckle-worthy yellow (who knew wearing bright yellow shirts subjected you to drive-by hecklers?). It was no ordinary Thursday to say the least. It was SCAVENGER HUNT DAY!!!! This day is what all Task Force members spend eons training for. We received our list of cryptic clues to Burlington hot-spots and with Natalie ready to photograph the event, we spent 4 grueling hours on the mean streets of Burlington (not that there is anything mean about them) searching for answers. As Captain Kirk has powers beyond our scope of understanding, it was of course the hottest day of the summer. Moreover, we would just like to say that we did NOT cheat despite allegations to the contrary. Yes, Parminder Singh DID call home base for information, and no, it was NOT Alyssa.

And now we go to Ollie for our weather forecast. Ollie?
“IT GON RAIN.”
Thanks Ollie.

Moving right along. We would now like to inform the general public of our Task Force updates. We will put this into a numbered list for your convenience:

1) New members have joined the Task Force since we last spoke. Young William and Andrea have successfully completed junior ranger training and have transitioned well into out elite fighting force.

2) Dania, Natalie, Nicole and Matt have joined the Task Force Protection Program, as they have completed their 7 week stint. We wish them the best of luck…not that they need luck. We know that their good looks and super powers will be enough to get them where they need to go. God speed.

3) Task Force logo AND slogan- heck yes!


4. We have a surprise for our loyal followers next week. Stay tuned. We promise it will be cooler than the weather we’ve been having.

Task Force OUT.

Stay classy Burlington.
-K&A

Status: Task Force Origins

We take a break from our regularly scheduled programming to bring you a never before seen glimpse into the origins of the Task Force (in song):

Status: Task Force Origins

Oh this is a recap all about how
Our life has been in this here town
And we’d like to take a second
Just chill right there
To tell you how we’ve been spreading our incredible flair

Ba na na na na
Na na na na na na
Do do do do do

In Burlington, Ontario born and raised
In Headon Forest is where we spent most of our days
Hanging out, learnin’, churnin’ (butter at Ireland House), yearnin’ for some tourists to help

When a sweet English lady
She was up to some good
Started postin’ classifieds in the neighbourhood
Gave her one little resume (it was perfect of course)
She said "you’re comin’ with me to join the elite Task Force"

We hopped on the number three and arrived at Home Base
Maps and brochures scattered all over the place!
If anything we knew that it was cooler than space
So we thought man let’s do it
Yo ho to B-town!

We finished our shifts and they went really great
So we yelled to Ms. Sally
Yo ho, see ya later!
Looked at the Batcave, we knew we’d have fun
Batman and Robin, the new heroes of Burlington!

Stay classy Burlington.
-K&A

Status: Task Force TGIF

Sally-utations all. See what we did there? We made a funny.

N&N here again, after a long hiatus (it was our turn to save the baby seals this week). We bring sad tidings that our final week on the Task Force is upon us. So if you are desperate to see our smiling faces before we are shipped off by the Task Force Protection Program, your time is limited.

We got so excited about the Butt Stop (you should see the video clips) that we completely forgot... rather, we weren't sure if the public could handle both of these news items in one blog...

Anyways, Sunday brought the conclusion of the international soccer tournament hosted by Burlington. It was intense, and the players were in tents as they waited to go on the field. What a linguistically pleasing coincidence. It was great to have all those international visitors, and I'm sure they liked Burlington just as much as we do.

Also in the news this week (other than the Michael Jackson Memorial-which by the way, the Task Force got a front row seat view of... on our big screen TV) was the highly anticipated Taste of Burlington Launch. The blood, sweat, tears, and emails sacrificed by Nicole and Linda C resulted in a high profile media and gastronomical smorgasbord. The leftovers were generously donated to the Task Force. Normally we don't need sustenance, but we allowed ourselves this small indulgence in order to be able to tell you, honestly and truly, that the food in "Taste" is most definitely worth checking out. [Insert shameless plug here - Taste of Burlington runs July 20-Aug 3, and involves prix-fixe lunch and dinner menus from 20 different Burlington restaurants. Go to the Taste of Burlington website for more info! Make sure to catch us on CH Morning News next Thursday where one of the talented chefs from SB Prime will be cooking up something tasty*! *Tastiness guaranteed. End of shameless plug. Thanks for listening.]

Also also ICE CREAM AND KITES! It's so exciting! So exciting you didn't even see me throw that in at the end of the sentence there. You okay? Heart rate down now? Alrighty then, let's continue. Ice cream and kites, what goes together better? They are the Posh and Becks, Han and Chewie, and Smithers and Mr. Burns of... well... everything. And they are conveniently combined in this Sunday's aptly named Kite and Ice Cream Festival. We won't be there in our banananananananana shirts or matching tent, but we'll be there, because with the Task Force in place, you're never really alone (but not in a creepy way). Just like with Spiderman, everybody gets one. We love you Posh and Becks!

Do you like movies? Do you like parks and other public venues? Then you should check out Peter's Picks and Movies Under the Stars, two programs currently offering free movies all around the Burlington Area. Give us a visit, check out our website, call us, beep us (if you want to reach us), fax us, email us, telepathically send us your thoughts, or shine the Task Force symbol, and we'll give you details. So if you have nothing to do next Thursday night, and you're all bummed out about it, don't blame us. You could have reached us all of those ways (8 of them - we counted), and you could be at a free movie.

In brochure news, we received over 9000 brochures. Not really, but it was still a lot. We were very excited that Oakville brochures have arrived! And more than 4 this time! One whole box! Some of our brochures go so quickly that we're going to bake some Hotcakes and then say that they go like Muskoka brochures.

Alright, now for our 10 second tidy up summary:
Taste of Burlington
Ice Cream and Kite Festival
Movies in various public locations

Don't Stop Believin'
N&N

P.S. HARRY POTTER OPENS NEXT WEEK!!! Not that we're excited or anything...

Status: Task Force Fast and Furious

Oh it was a week of early mornings for your Task Force. We get up at seven, yeah, and we go to work at eight. We got no time for livin’; yes, we’re working all the time. Always in such a rush to get things going…

First on the docket: nation, it was an important week for Canada. Our beloved homeland turned 142 (but we don’t think she looks a day past 100…she ages well). Canada Day means one thing to us here on the Task Force: free swag. We basically gave it away - you didn’t even need a coupon. Having prepared 500 coniferous trees (which were perhaps Douglas Fir – our resident botanist was away so we’re only 99.999% sure) the day before, we loaded up our little red wagon and handed them out to the citizens of Gotham City (aka Burlington). You can thank us later for fixing global warming. Also, Al Gore, we’re prepared to sign releases to be in your next film.

Moving right along to the important part of the day: how good we looked. Let us paint you a little picture: red foam visors, maple leaf tattoos on our faces, Canada Day t-shirts and for some of us (Natalie), carefully manicured Canada Day nails. Want pictures? Well we want more than one follower and more than zero comments. Deal or no deal?

Next on the docket: the Burlington Butt Stop. But first, a word from our sponsors at the Great Waterfront Trail Adventure:
“The Waterfront Trail has been an instrumental part of Lake Ontario’s regeneration. Along it you will find a 900 km celebration of nature and culture - where peaceful countryside, small towns and big cities are linked in bringing Lake Ontario to this province's residents and visitors, alike. Enjoy it for a day or make it a summer-long adventure. The Waterfront Trail will let you discover the Lake Ontario waterfront...and what it can mean to you” (Waterfront Trail, 2009).

For those of you poor unfortunate souls who are asking yourselves “what is this Burlington Butt Stop?” and “can my butt stop there?” let us enlighten you. Every year for thousands of years (or the past two years), enthusiastic cyclists of all ages and athletic abilities cycle from Niagara-on-the-Lake to the Quebec border. It is an eight day trip which highlights beautiful countryside, gorgeous lake views and, as if that isn’t enough incentive, Burlington travel counselors in mustard yellow t-shirts. Alyssa also danced. Natalie may or may not have gotten video evidence. Enough said. Although…does this blog support video clips? Back on topic, the riders get to stop in Burlington on the second day of their quest for water, coffee, fruit and loud and obnoxious cheering. Ergo, the Butt Stop à la Burlington.

Set up for this morning’s Butt Stop was more rigourous than usual festival set-up…not that it mattered because we’re all so ripped. With the help of Captain Kirk and Carla, the Waterfront’s Aquawoman, your Task Force set up two tents, four tables, twenty-something balloons, two unnecessarily heavy wooden signs and an entire sound system (for which Alyssa’s computer science skills were useless – in her defense, nothing was in binary). We lugged it all out of the Burlington Events van under the direction of temporary Assistant-to-the-Regional-Manager, Kat.

Moment of the Week: Kat was handed the keys to the Burlington Events van, which was more like the size of a boat, and will henceforth be known as the Star Ship Enterprise. She also successfully backed it up and didn’t hit anyone!

Phone Call of the Week: “Hi Alyssa, it’s Kat. Listen, can I pick you up in the Events van tomorrow?” “Do you even have to ask?”

In case you were wondering, the van has since been returned. We’re actually a tad depressed now.

Till next time, stay classy Burlington.
-K&A